- First Midwest Bank. This is Timothy. How may I help you?
- Hi. I was wondering if you guys do money laundering.

- Will you care for my dog while I'm away?
- But you don't have a dog!
- Well, why don't you get me one, you selfish jerk?

There is a student I tutor
She pays me in cash
After that, I go to a grocery store and buy groceries;
makes me feel like I am working for bread and butter.

(Though, I pay with a credit card,
but that's besides the point)

There's something sad about smoking outside in the morning.

iGod

Say whatever you may say; I ain't puttin' a pair of white earphones round my neck; not me.

I understand that you have delicately courted your chosen mate, united in matrimony as husband and wife, enjoyed your romantic intimate hours, produced and nurtured offsprings you regard as most beautiful and most precious and thus taken part in propagation of humankind in history but, for heaven's sake don't take the whole goddam sidewalk and let others like me go by. God bless your souls.

If helping and loving creatures who don't look, sound or behave like oneself helped propagate ones genes, the world would be a lot happier place.

At this point, I would like to restrict your use of the bathroom facilities during hours that are multiples of three.

Greatful for the clouds
Resentful to sun
I have become

Often, your version of history tells more about you than history.

Girl: (outraged)At this point I would like you to see me cry.
Boy: I can very well imagine that.
Girl: Thanks. Then, I don't go through with it.
Boy: Any decent movies out tonight?
Girl: How about that weirdo psychologist thingy.
Boy: Deal.

OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR, THOUGH MAYBE NOT AS CLOSE AS YOU WANT THEM TO BE.